The City, The Country, & Leaving a Place You Love

Well, the day finally came and after endless hours of packing and cleaning the truck was loaded and we were ready to leave San Francisco, well sort of. This was such a tough one for me. Everything about our move has been good, the job is great for Dan, its very nice to be closer to family, the weather is beautiful, etc. etc., but for some reason I just find myself still missing the city. It's so crazy to me because we weren't even there that long, I mean, really just over a year. But somehow I just fell in love with it and even though I left, I think a small part of me stayed. 

Those who know me well know I have two very different, yet distinct, sides to me--the country girl and the city girl. From the time I was 2 years old til I was 18 my family lived in Phoenix, Arizona during the school year but during the summers we would move to a tiny, beautiful town in the mountains of Southern Colorado that I adored. We lived there from the day school got out, all summer long, til the day school started. I spent the whole summer playing outside in the woods, fishing, camping, exploring, building forts, getting into mischief, playing in my treehouse, hiking, roasting marshmallows and singing around bonfires, chasing bears, rafting, and so on and so on and staying as dirty as I possibly could. I loved it. I crave the mountains. I crave the fresh air, the seasons, the quiet, the solitude, the beauty, the serenity, and the feeling of freedom. Somehow, when I'm in the great outdoors way out in the country everything is just more carefree and so much more simple, and its intoxicating. Time slows down when you're in the country and the rush and demands of life can, at least for a time, lighten up a bit or even fade away. Sitting here on my couch I get giddy just thinking about it I miss it so much. There is a part of me that is the girl who could care less about hair and makeup and what the heck I'm wearing and doesn't want to be anywhere near a television or computer and just wants to be in a grubby sweatshirt and old jeans with my hair in a ponytail up the Vallecito Trail, watching my husband fish. I want to sit by a fire in our little cabin and know there isn't a real grocery store closer than 3o minutes away up a windy mountain road. I love the mountains and I always will. Unfortunately, for our career it just won't work for us to live in a place like that at this stage in our life. But I long for it and know that someday we'll be able to spend more time in the country.

But my other side is the city girl. I grew up in a bigger type city, and although not enormous compared to many, I definitely got my metropolitan upbringing and it's stuck. I love the hustle and bustle of big cities, San Francisco in particular. I love all the lights and views and the scads of people everywhere. I love window shopping at fancy stores and seeing what the latest rages are and having fun with new styles and trends. I love eating amazing foods and trying new things at unique and fabulous restaurants that can be found all over the place. I love seeing unbelievable architecture and beautiful buildings one after another. I love meeting tons of new people who are all different from me and all have different stories, interests, looks, lifestyles, even if some are a little crazier than others :). I love going to a city park and sitting in a pool of greenery with buildings all around and feeling a unique sort of escape and solitude and an appreciation for nature. I love being able to go out my door and have a million things I want to see or do or experience. I love being able to walk almost anywhere I want to go. I love seeing an amazing parking spot even when I'm not parking and getting all excited inside for the person who finds it because they are going to be so happy. I love the culture, the art, the entertainment. I love getting all dressed up and trying to look my best and going out for a night on the town. I love the way the city makes me feel like my own unique and different person in a world of so many unique and different people. The city is amazing and I will never forget my time in San Francisco. 

I think that is why I loved San Francisco so much--because living there whole-heartedly let the little city girl inside of me free and it was so much fun and made me feel so at home. (Not to mention we had our sweet little boy there and that will always be such a special memory and time in my life I can never forget it.) It's strange because in San Diego I sort of feel stuck in the middle--I'm not really in either of my elements. It, like a lot of places, is sort of an in-between. Not that San Diego isn't a great place and I really do think that in time I'll learn to love it here, but I just don't feel quite the same fit as I have in other places.  It's interesting how the more life you live and the more experiences you have the more you truly learn about yourself and who you really are. I learned so much about myself over the last year and a half and I am so grateful for the opportunities we were given. I feel grateful and fortunate though too to have such a nice home here in San Diego and I look forward to what I'll learn and how I'll grow during my time here.

But for just a minute, I want to miss the city......

A couple shots of our favorite views
Last picture in front of our little house
We stuffed that moving truck completely full!
At the top of our street with Golden Gate Park behind us (I know I look awful but try and remember we'd been packing, moving, and cleaning for 48 hours! :) )
A view up the street from our driveway
Cal being a good sport in his jammies while we loaded up the truck