Still Pregnant........

(Since I'm no good at keeping a journal I wanted to put down some of my last minute thoughts before this baby comes so please excuse me for the lengthy entry...)

Well, we are almost there. 39 weeks and 2 days and still waiting on the little lady to make her grand appearance into the world. Today is officially the longest I've ever been pregnant--considering Cal was 6 days early. I'll admit I've been getting pretty darn ancy the last couple weeks. Just feeling more tired, and huge and so over getting weighed every week, and excited, and nervous, and pretty much every emotion under the sun....as I'm sure most pregnant moms can relate to. :) Last week I struggled feeling really exhausted but luckily this week I've gotten a little energy back and am just trying my best to finish the last minute prep, be patient, and soak up my time resting and enjoying Cal and Dan. Last week at the gym this trainer came up to me and was like, "Geez, I feel like you've been pregnant forever!" I kinda wanted to cry and then kinda wanted to say "If it feels like that to you, how do you think I feel?!" But I just settled for, "I have!" It is so funny though how at about 3 weeks out from D day there is literally this irrational part of my brain that gets this crazy idea that the baby may NEVER come and that I'll actually be stuck pregnant forever. I know, it sounds crazy, but when you are huge pregnant and just waiting for some theoretical event to happen and your body doesn't seem to be doing anything out of the ordinary, it is so hard to imagine labor actually starting out of nowhere. I know deep down it will, but sometimes....... it just feels like it may not. :) I know, crazy. 

We've been doing everything we can think of to try and get this baby out though....spicy food, pineapple, hiking up hills, squats, jumping jacks, foot accupressure, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, nada.......I know she will come when she is ready and its more just for the fun of it to try and see if we can tip the scales and speed things up, but still.....

My mom wisely reminded me that this is in fact a GIRL and so she will just take her time and come when she is good and ready--much like the rest of us females. :) I had to laugh.

Luckily as of Tuesday I was dilated to a 2, 80% effaced, and baby is dropping so hopefully this is a good sign! Now we just need some whopper contractions to help take us the rest of the way. The end really is near and I am so excited! Most importantly though, I just want her to be healthy and fine and I feel like I worry myself sick until those babies are out safe and sound and given a clean bill of health. I stress all day over kick counts and what not and I am just excited to know that she is okay. Praying that everything will be as I'm sure it will! I really am so excited to meet her and hold her and just have this new little part of our family finally in our home. Before we got pregnant with this baby we actually miscarried once. While it was a blessing it happened early on and things could've been much much worse, it has still been a long, emotional year and I am so excited for it to finally come to an end and to have this baby that we've wanted to so much.

The last month really hasn't been too bad and I'm grateful I've felt as well as I have. But the tiredness really does kick in those last few weeks. I think the roughest part of the last month is just trying to still be a good Mom and give Calvin the attention and patience and play time he deserves. I have had so many days where I just feel like the worst, most impatient person and like I don't even get down and really play with Cal or that when I discipline him I just want to snap. I don't know too if it is just the fact that my patience is running super thin these days or if Cal is just in one of those phases too where he is just testing me more and trying to push things a little too much, but I've had more than a couple instances where I have found myself completely overwhelmed--usually after trying to run errands or do something out in public where I really need the boy to behave. I've called Dan at working crying more than once I'm sure, just with no clue what to do and how to manage this rambunctious little man. But luckily Dan is good at reassuring me, and after a prayer and a little down time I feel better. I know having two kids is going to be no easy task, but I'm hoping we'll adjust okay and that once I have a little more energy back and can keep up a little better with Cal we'll be able to get into a routine. With all the tears & frustration though, there are always way more smiles to make up for it. And that sweet little boy of mine who can overwhelm me, always seems to make up for it at the end of the day with his cuteness and his little snuggles, kisses, hugs, and his sweet reminders that he loves me. He really does have a precious little heart and all the joy he brings to us really is the reason I want more and more kids. At the end of the day it is ALL worth it.